I remember being a young girl in public school, and being very shy. I was also smaller than all the other kids, wore thick glasses, and took all the advanced classes. That made me a nerd. I can’t say that I experienced the type of bullying that today’s horrific news stories are made of, but I distinctly remember some instances of being cruelly intimidated by a couple of my classmates, and how small and helpless I felt. Just recently, my youngest son revealed to me (all teary-eyed) that a much bigger kid was tripping him every day as he walked down the aisle. I was not surprised when he told me he didn’t want to tell his teacher. I’m just glad he told me. I knew I had to do something, and that I had to do it in a way to bring about the best outcome for him and his school life. Drawing from my own experience, here are some pointers for talking to your child’s school about bullying:
Get the facts. You need the who, what, when, where and why of the matter before you approach the teacher with the problem. Yes, you will have to tell the teacher exactly who is doing the bullying. Don’t be afraid that the bullying will only get worse. Once you recruit the teacher as a watchdog and guard, it’s likely the bullying will stop altogether. In my son’s case, it did.
Ask before you tell. It won’t do you any good to seem accusatory when you speak with school faculty. It’s best to first ask what they have seen or noticed, if anything, before you go into an explanation of your child’s experience. Asking can also be a great source of perspective – not only of the bullying itself, but also of the school’s attitude toward bullying.
Develop a game plan. Before ending any talk about bullying, make sure both you and the staff member(s) are clear on exactly how the issue will be addressed. For example, when I spoke with my son’s teacher, she explained that she would have a private discussion with the other student and explain to him that his behavior was not acceptable, as well as what the consequences would be if it happened again. She told me she do it the very next day, at the very beginning of class, and that she would call me afterward.
Luckily for me and my son, his very small incident of bullying was quickly and easily resolved. It took some action on my part, a child who was willing to come forward with his painful experience, and a very cooperative and understanding teacher. Not all occurrences of bullying have these three factors, so it is important to stay proactive about bullying. Look for the signs. Force a conversation. Take the matter to the school’s higher-ups, if necessary. Whatever it takes for our children, right?
About the Author: Gilbert Solan knows how difficult it can be to talk to a school about bullying, especially in light of today’s zero-tolerance policies. He encourages parents and children to take self defense classes so that they can develop both the physical and emotional skills needed to cope in difficult situations.
